


take me back to the start

by diana_holland



Category: Sebastian Stan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Drama, Drinking, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fighting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Jealous, Jealously, Language, Love Triangle, Middle School, Original Female Character - Freeform, Parties, Reader Insert, Romance, Sebastian Stan - Freeform, Slow Burn, Slow beginning, Tags will be added, chris evans - Freeform, reader - Freeform, take me back to the start, youre the original female character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2020-06-03 03:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19455277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diana_holland/pseuds/diana_holland
Summary: This is my first y/n fanfic that I'm writing at the request of a friend.You and Sebastian Stan have been best friends since middle school, which ultimately grows with you into a crush. As you both reach adulthood and try to figure out your relationship, there are obstacles that come between you and threaten to undo it all.





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Not everything might be completely accurate. I might have changed it for fic purposes or I just may not know. As I said, I'm writing this for a friend, so she'll be helping me along the way.  
> *I promise it'll get better the beginning is slow to establish background*

You jerk your eyes awake at the sudden thump from behind you. Three girls erupt in laughter at the sight of a kid tripping, his books falling out of his arms. You want to say something and stick up for him, but you decide it’s better to just keep your head down. It’s a mean thought but better him than you.You’ll have your turn Tuesday—gym day.

You try to retreat back to your homeroom daydreaming, letting your eyes slip close. But after a few moments of quiet, your name is echoed over the loudspeaker requesting your presence in the office. With a sigh, you pick up your bag and head out the door. 

Nervousness settled in your stomach as you walked down the hall, though you know you haven’t done anything to get into trouble. Upon entering the office, the secretary looked up from her glasses and smiled, lipstick staining her teeth. You wait for her to say something before realizing that she’s the one waiting for you. 

“Hi, I’m y/n. I was called down just a minute ago.” 

Suddenly, the principal, Mrs. Knight, steps out of the office with a slip of paper and someone following close behind. 

“Thanks for coming down, y/n. This is Sebastian.” She gestured to a kid who you assume is 13, though he could pass as older with his looks. His eyes were wide and bright, shining with the color of the summer sea. Soft, brown locks of hair dangled in front of his face; you try not to stare, but he’s probably the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen. No, he _is_ the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in this run down junior high school. 

Mrs. Knight breaks you out of your reverie by giving you the slip of paper she held in her hand. 

“I figured since you guys have so many classes together, you wouldn’t mind showing him around.” 

“Uh…yeah. I mean, no. No, I don’t mind. Yeah, I’ll show him around.” He’s staring at you, not saying anything. You reach your hand out to be polite. “Hi, I’m y/n.”

He awkwardly takes it and holds it for a few seconds before pushing his hands back in his pockets. You take the schedule from Mrs. Knight and thank her as you walk out the door together. 

An uncomfortable tension settles in the air as you try to break the ice. “So, Sebastian, right?” He nods. You get the feeling he isn’t much for talking, at least to people he doesn’t know well. “Where are you from?”

“Romania.”

“Wow, seriously? That’s pretty awesome. How’d you end up here?” 

“Well, I was born in Romania and spent a few years there; I don’t remember much. I moved to the States before I was old enough for school. Since then I’ve been all over California with my family.” He stops himself, acting as if he had said too much. Or maybe he was just self-conscious about sharing his personal information. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or something.” 

“No, you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.” He smiled at you a little, pushing the hair out of his face. His smile was small and sweet; you couldn’t help but smile back at him. 

You come to a stop at his locker and help him open it to toss his books into. He quietly thanks you and you two continue down the hall to your first class. You slip in the back while the teacher is distracted and have him sit next to you.

“If you don’t make yourself too noticeable, you won’t have to go up and introduce yourself in front of everyone.” He flashes you a look of gratitude. You don’t know why, but he seems so easy to read, as if you’ve known him for a long time. 

This day past far easier than most. Sebastian shares every single class with you, even lunch. Goodbye eating alone next to the door. You have a friend now. Someone who genuinely seems to enjoy your company and likes to do more than just small talk. 

When the final bell rings, you actually feel a little disappointed. It was nice to talk to someone other than your mom or that random guy in science who emails about homework. 

“Do you take the bus?” he asks, walking out of the building. 

“No, my house is nearby, so I just walk.” Somewhat nearby. You didn’t want to get back on the bus after Kaitlin spilled her leftover lunch on you. 

“Do you mind if I walk with you?” he asked.

“Are you sure? Where do you live?” You don’t want to pass up the opportunity to spend some more time together, but you also don’t want him to go out of his way. Maybe he felt the same as you. It’s been forever since you’ve connected with someone like this, and it’s a nice change of events. 

“It’s on Zehner Avenue, which I guess isn’t that close, but I feel like I should get used to the neighborhood. My parents say that we’ll be staying here til I graduate, so I better embrace it.” 

You try not to smile too wide, but a smirk definitely spreads onto your face.

“That’s where I live, too, so we shouldn’t have any problems finding it,” you laughed. 

He also seemed excited at the way you two were hitting it off. You don’t know how you haven’t run out of things to talk about, the conversation continues all the way back to your houses: his at the north end of the block and yours at the south. 

“Do you walk to school, too?” he asked before turning to go inside. 

“Yeah, usually.”

“Maybe we can walk together, then?” You were thinking it but were glad you’re not the one who said it.

“Yeah. That sounds good. I’ll stop by your place around 7:30?” He smiles and nods at that. You wave him goodbye and walk the next few yards to your house at an animated pace. Maybe everything would start turning around.

You feel a little uneasy at how Sebastian made you feel. Putting all of your friendship and support into one person is bound to end up in disappointment, but he seemed to need the companionship, too. You’ve grown used to being on your own and not bothering with anyone else, but maybe things would be different from now on.

But maybe having a best friend would be nice. 


	2. a night to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so guilty of never proofreading so rip this chapter if there are any errors. Time jump into high school

“Where’s your boyfriend at? Did he finally ditch you for Hollywood?” Kaitlin and her girl gang crack up at the joke she makes about you and Sebastian. You act annoyed; the joke has gotten old over the past few years. You can’t wait for Seb to get his big break just to shut everyone up. He was still waiting for his acting career to take off, going on audition after audition for years with the only result being a few small roles in commercials. You tried to convince him to wait until school was over to try a career as an actor—the comments from others that followed were brutal for you to listen to, let alone Sebastian. 

He missed yet another day at school for a big movie audition, leaving you alone in this hell hole again. You want to support him and be happy for him, but it’s a tiring road; you have no idea how he does it and still has a soul full of sunshine. 

You slam your locker shut, leaving the laughter behind. Walking home alone was getting tiring, but Seb said he’d meet up with you after his audition. You stop by the convenience store on the way home and grab some snacks for your weekly Friday night hangout. Usually audition day meant Sebastian would come home disappointed, beating himself up over not doing something perfectly and knowing he wasn’t going to get the part of his dreams. Cheetos, Tasty Cakes, and three liters of soda filled the bags you had to drag home. Another downer about Seb being gone: he’s the one with a car. 

You finally get home and flop on the couch. The TV is on to _Friends_ , but you can’t enjoy it after the long, tiring day. Head falling back, your eyes drift shut and you almost fall asleep before the phone wakes you. 

“Hello?” you answer. Seb’s voice is quick on the other end. “Slow down. Dude, seriously. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.” You hear him audibly take a deep breath.

“I got it, y/n. I got the part.” 

“What?” you scream. “I thought the audition was today what are you even talking about.” 

“No, no, not that one. The part I auditioned for with Ashton Kutcher! I’m playing his best friend. They called me and I got it!”

“Seb that’s so great. I’m so proud!" You wish you could see the huge smile on his face and the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about acting. 

“We’re going out tonight,” he says. “We have to celebrate.” A pit forms in your stomach. 

“I bought some stuff for tonight if you want to come over. We can rent a movie?”

“Come on, y/n. Live a little. I heard Emma’s having a party tonight; we should crash it.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Everything’s going to change, y/n. It’s the beginning of the end.” You don’t have the heart to tell him you really don’t want to go to the party. You want to have your regular Friday night hangout, but he’s just so happy. So you cave. 

“Okay, fine. We’ll go.” He cheers on the other end and says he’ll pick you up at eight, so you better be ready. 

* * *

When Sebastian picks you up later that night, he can’t even begin to hide his excitement. 

“You look great! We’re going to have a great time. I promise.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say,” you reply, trying too hard to ignore the fact that he said you look great. All you put on was a pair of jeans and a nicer blouse, but Seb complimenting you sends your self-confidence sky high. He always knows how to make you feel better about yourself. About everything really. 

The music can be heard from down the block, and cars are parked along the entire street. You have to walk a little from where Seb parks, but it’s no mistake that you’re at the right house. You don’t know what you were expecting, but it’s so easy to get in. 

Kids from school crowd the entire house, dancing and drinking and talking. Some of the people there are unrecognizable; probably from the local community college. They were definitely way too old to be in high school. _Act cool, act cool, act cool._ You have no idea how Seb looks so calm; maybe acting really is his calling. 

Seb tries to whisper something in your ear, but it’s so loud you can’t even hear yourself think. He takes your hand and leads you to the kitchen where Emma and her friends are handing out drink after drink. It’s a little bit quieter in there, so you take a seat at the island. 

“You want something?” Sebastian asks. 

You shake your head. “Just water.” He rolls his eyes and brings back a bottle of water and a plastic cup full of beer. Surrounded by drunk strangers, you have never felt so out of place. 

“Come on, y/n. We’re supposed to be having fun!”

“And what happens when you get totally wasted and my unlicensed ass has to walk you all the way home?”

“Okay, good point. So _I_ can’t get totally wasted,” he says. “But _you_ can.” He hands you his half-drunk cup and you sip it slowly. Tonight was supposed to be about him anyways. You can let loose for one night to enjoy time with Sebastian before he gets busy working on his new movie. Maybe after this he’ll get recognized, start booking more jobs, and you won’t be able to hang out in public anymore. 

You finish the cup and he excuses himself to use the bathroom, but he promises to bring back another drink for you. 

“Don’t strain yourself over it.” It’s even more uncomfortable now that he’s not here. You lost the one person you actually talk to. You try not to count down the seconds until he’s back. 

“What are you doing here, loser?”Kaitlin asks from behind. You try to ignore her, but she comes around and sits next to you. “Where’s your boyfriend at?” Nothing. 

“I heard he’s gonna be in an actual movie,” she says. 

“Yeah, he did. Sorry you doubted him?” She should be. Along with everyone else. 

“He’ll forget all about you.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s going to move away from this dirt town and become a big movie star. You really think he’s gonna remember you when he can hang out with celebrities? He’ll _be_ a celebrity. What? Are you gonna be his date to the Oscars?” she laughs. You can tell she’s drunk, but she means every word she says. “Oh, man, you did, didn’t? You really are pathetic.” She cackles again and stumbles out of the room. 

You know you shouldn’t take any of what she says to heart. She loves to make you miserable, but you can’t help but feel there’s some truth to her words. Sebastian is moving on to another part of his life. He’s this talented, funny, kind, beautiful man. And you’re nothing. 

“Hey, I got some shots.” How is he so excited to see you, or even talk to you. Now he’s going to go off and have an actual career before school is even over. You’ll be long gone from his mind before graduation comes in a couple months. Then you’ll be all alone…again. 

You take the shot out of his hand. And the next. And the next. And the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments already. It means so much :)


	3. party favors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late and short. I've really been going through it but this will be the last high school chapter so we can ~finally~ move on to the good stuff. the next chapter will be better I promise

The light streams in bright, too bright. Your head is pounding and nothing seems to silence it, even after bringing the pillow over your eyes. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” The voice was familiar, but god was it loud. You shush it and roll over, desperately wanting to go back to sleep. A sharp finger pokes at your back. “You’ve gotta go home soon or your mom is gonna lose it.”

You finally open your eyes and see Sebastian’s face in front of yours. His smile is teasing, but his eyes are concerned. “You’ve been asleep for a while.” He hands you two small pills and a glass of water, which you take gratefully. 

Looking around the room, you realize you’re not at your house, but Seb’s. “I told your mom you were staying over. No way could you get through the door without her knowing you were _drunk off your ass_. Seriously, I practically carried you in the door.” 

You sit up suddenly, your head pounding harder than before. “Wait, where are your parents? Do I have to sneak out?”

“Nah, they’re away for a business thing.” He thinks for a moment. “You can stay as long as you want, but just make sure you call your mom first or something. I can only dodge her for so long.” 

A realization hits you, and your cheeks heat up as Sebastian stares. “Don’t tell me I did something embarrassing,” you begged. 

“You don’t remember?”

“No? Oh, God. What?” He’s staring at you as if there’s something incredibly wild that happened that you should be remembering. 

“You’re fine. You didn’t do anything bad. I just…didn’t realize.” 

“Then why do you keep looking at me like that? What’s wrong?” Something shifted in his eyes, as if he realized he almost spilled a secret. 

“Nothing. I’m just disappointed at how much of a light weight you are.” You roll your eyes at him and playfully shove his shoulder. There’s something he’s not telling you, but that could wait for another day when you don’t feel like you’re about to heave. 

“Shut up, I am not. I just got a little crazy with the shots.” He tells you you can shower in his bathroom before going home. 

“It’ll help you wake up—and get the vomit smell out of your hair,” he says. You know he’s only messing with you, but your heart aches at the little memory you have of the previous night. 

The last thing you remember is thinking about Sebastian moving on with his life, and you’ll end up stuck here. He’s going to get everything he’s ever wanted, and that doesn’t include you. You will become the faintest fog in the back of his head that never surfaces again. 

The water feels good running down your face, hot on your back. You’re not sure how much time has passed before you finally get out. Even then you take your time, relishing in possibly the final time you’ll be in Seb’s room. 

“You want to have lunch or something?” he asked cautiously. Deep down you really want to; you don’t want to leave him, but it’s better for there to be a clean break. 

“That’s okay. I should get home.”

“Yeah, sure. Call you later?” He won’t. 

“Sure,” you answer. Doubtful. 

He walks you to the door and holds it open, smiling so softly you wish you could stare at him forever. You quickly wave him goodbye, hoping this time won’t be the last. 


	4. time warp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect this chapter to come out so fast! I'm very excited to start the next one. Thank you so much for all the support you've given me and this fic :)
> 
> Also in case you're unsure, you're a school teacher in this fic!

“Seriously, Seb?” you say to yourself. He used up all the milk  _ again _ and left the empty carton in the fridge. When you agreed to be his roommate, you didn’t think it would involve babysitting him half the time. 

On the other hand, you try to be grateful for where you are in your life. You’re pretty much getting everything you’ve ever want—for the most part. Sebastian got his big break in acting. First with  _ Spread _ , then  _ Black Swan  _ and  _ Hot Tub Time Machine _ . Then his whole world turned around with the Marvel Studios movies. He moved into an actual house just outside of the city that was close to a lot of studio lots. His career was constantly moving in the upward direction, and he wanted you to go with him. 

You were constantly crashing at his place to be closer to the school for work, so he wanted you to move in full time. You can’t say you weren’t quick to answer with a yes. Senior year you thought you would never see Seb again; he would go away to Hollywood and would forget you ever existed. 

And now here you are with your own room, living as roommates in a beautiful home just outside of L.A. Work was successful and life was good. Your friendship with Sebastian was amazing, but that’s all it was. Friendship. You always thought that somewhere along the way there would be the possibility of something more happening. But deep down you knew that solely friendship was better than not having him in your life at all. 

At least you think it is. Right now you’re not so sure after the third straight time of Sebastian not throwing out the empty damn carton. 

You hear the front door open: Seb getting home from work just as you’re getting ready to leave for it. “Hey, milky, you’re finally home,” you call from the kitchen. He rounds the corner and sits at the kitchen island, coffee in hand. “You look wrecked.” Bags had formed under his eyes, dark and tired. His walk was exhausted and limp with not even a fraction of a smile on his face. 

“Probably because I  _ am  _ wrecked.” He sat down with a sigh, chugging his coffee. “I’ve been working so much lately, I feel like I don’t have time to breathe. 

You feel sorry for Seb. No matter how much you tease him about his constant perkiness, you miss it when he’s feeling glass half empty. You know he loves what he does, but sometimes it just drains him, and you wish there were something you could do to make him feel better. 

  
  


“Well, hey, it’s Friday. You get some rest and I’ll make sure not to stay late today. You and I are gonna TURN UP,” you promise. 

He smirked the softest smile, eyebrows turned up. “Okay, we can do that as long as you stop talking like that.”

“What? That’s what the kids say these days.” You always feel a sense of accomplishment when you can make Seb’s eyes brighten a little more. You care about him so much and want him to have all the happiness in the world. Anyway you can give it to him is a win to you. 

“You sound so old. Get out of here.” He leans in to kiss your cheek in both thanks and goodbye. You watch him walk out of the kitchen and up the staircase —hopefully to bed. 

You grab your stuff and get in the car for work, thinking about Seb the whole way. He’s been through a lot lately with all of his work: film after film, and not to mention his personal life. He’s recently broken up with someone (not that you can say you’re too upset about that one). 

You genuinely want to see Sebastian happy, but it hurts sometimes to see him with other people. Let alone all the rumors that are spread about him in the media. His life is extremely chaotic you don’t know how he can handle it all. But you are each others’ constants in the world, and that’s all you’ll ever need. 

The school day cannot end fast enough. You called Sebastian during lunch to see how he was doing. He still sounded tired, but a lot better than earlier at least. You like to think it was giving him something to look forward to that put him in a better mood. You can only pray tonight doesn’t go like the last “let loose” event you two went to together. 

“So what are we gonna do tonight? Dinner and a movie?” he asks. 

“It’s a surprise,” you say. He tries to act annoyed, but you can see right through him. “Come on. It’ll be fun. We’ve been working too hard lately and we need this break. Admit it.”

What Seb doesn’t know is you’re taking him to a new club  _ Inferno _ that’s supposed to be sultry and sexy; it’s the perfect spot for tonight. You can dance together, bodies pressed so closely as the sweat glistens of your skin. You have an excuse to run your fingers through his slick hair and down the back of his neck, eyes on his lips the entire time. The lights are dim enough to give you confidence, but not so dim that you can still see the fire burning in his eyes. It’ll fuel you enough to lean your forehead against his, until he finally realizes everything that has been right in front of him. Then he’ll be the one to lean in even further, his quick, hot breath on yours. And finally your lips will come together for a passionate performance you have been waiting for your entire life. 

“Whatever you say,” he says, disrupting your sensual daydream. You take a shaky breath and wish him a good rest of his day. “See you tonight, y/n. Bye.” 

You hang up and try to focus on class for the rest of the day, but the anticipation is killing you. He needs this break with a friend, and you’re thrilled to be the one who’s there for him. Hopefully after tonight he’ll realize you can be there for him in more ways than one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos!


	5. dancing with a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to give you guys a heads up that school is starting soon so I won't be updating as often. I also have another fanfiction to work on plus work for my writing class, but I promise this fic is always in my thoughts. Enjoy the longest chapter so far!

Sebastian is still asleep when you get home, spread out across the couch and snoring softly. You decide to let him get the rest he needs and head upstairs to shower. Excitement fluttered throughout your insides. Where is this coming from? You’ve been friends with Sebastian for almost two decades and everything has been normal. Sure, he’s an attractive guy, but he’s been in your life for so long you’ve become immune to the feeling everyone else gets when they see him. 

But recently there’s been a change. After breaking up with his last girlfriend, he really fell into a slump. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything; just lay in bed and shut out the world, especially you. Anyone in a relationship just reminded him of his heartbreak. 

Then boom. Your boyfriend of two years, Michael, dumped you for another job and another girl. You and Seb were both single and heartbroken, leaning on each other to heal. He became super flirty then, but you just figured he’d been back to his old self. But there was something different. You had never thought of him as more than a friend, but one night you had The Dream. 

It happened the night you came home crying from a long day of work. Things had been building up for weeks and you finally broke down to Sebastian. You expected him to crack a joke or make light of the situation, but he was understanding and kind and sincere. It was a matured side of him you haven’t been paying enough attention to.

When you went to sleep that night, he drifted into your dreams, strong and heroic and romantic. Everything felt right when you were in his arms. And then he kissed you all over in a way that made your toes curl and face heat up and your knees shake. 

Seeing Seb the next morning was like a culture shock. He was no longer your best friend, but now the star of your erotic dreams. You thought it might just be a crush and it would go away, but it hasn’t. You haven’t been able to look at him the same way since. 

You take your time in the shower, continuing to think of your history with Sebastian, wondering if he could have similar feelings. Maybe there’s a part of him that has thought of you has something more, but he hasn’t really shown it other than the little mindless flirts. 

Tonight’s the night. All or nothing. Go big or go home. Now or never. All that good shit.

Getting out of the shower, you go into your closet to pick out the perfect outfit for tonight. Normally you just hang around the house in your sweats, but you want Sebastian to see a different side of you. Then maybe he’ll see you in a different way. 

You reach into the back of your closet for a lacy, black dress you haven’t worn since your first date with Michael. You’re not one for being super dressy, but you can’t deny your confidence in this dress, especially with a pair of strappy heels to match. 

There’s a knock on your bedroom door. “Hey, when do you wanna leave tonight?” Seb asks. 

“Around seven, so you better be ready!” you shout back. 

You hear him chuckle a little and his bedroom door shuts. Sitting at your vanity, you flip on the light and stare at your bare face, your wet hair dripping down your neck and onto your robe. High self-esteem hasn’t always been a real trait of yours, but being with Sebastian has really changed your life. He always builds you up and makes you feel good about yourself, and isn’t that the most important thing in a partner? Finding someone who makes you feel beautiful? 

You finish getting ready, adding a finishing touch of red lipstick to make everything  _ pop _ . You let your natural hair flow down your back in the elegant dress and give yourself one last smile in the mirror before heading down the stairs to wait for Seb. 

As soon as you reached the bottom of the stairs, you heard footsteps following behind. Sebastian is wearing a black t-shirt fitted to his broad shoulders that would show off his lower abs if he raised his arms above his head. He had on dark washed jeans and plain converse-style sneakers. Although he was wearing more casual clothes and you’ve seen him way dressier, he took your breath away. 

“Wow,” he breathed. “You look great, y/n. Ready to go?” he asked. You could hardly speak, your mouth hanging open with nothing coming out. “What’s wrong? Am I not dressed up enough? You still haven’t told me where we’re going,” he joked.

You smiled and shook your head. “No, you look perfect. The uber should be here in a few minutes.” 

“Oh, so we’re taking an uber? So we’re  _ really _ gonna turn up, huh?”

You playfully punched his shoulder. “Shut up. You’re playing a regular person tonight who takes uber to and from secret locations.” You stare at each other for a minute smiling. It doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable; it just feels warm, right. 

Your phone dings, letting you know your uber is here. You lead the way in front of Seb, blocking his view, just in case he might be recognized.

But everything goes without a hitch. The uber driver doesn’t ask any questions and already knows the location you told him previously. You and Seb don’t say much in the back of the car. You just sit next to each other, thighs touching, enjoying the uninterrupted closeness. Mental note: give the uber driver a generous tip for his (quiet) services. 

He pulls up to the packed club, the outside overflowing with people trying to get inside. You try to politely push to the front of the line and turn to whisper in Seb’s ear. 

“Do you have some cash to bribe him?” You never ask Seb for money, but at a time like this you really need him to help you out. 

“What happened to being regular people?” he asked with a smirk. 

“Come on. Put it on my tab.” He smiles back at you and hands the bouncer an unseen amount of cash, but it’s enough to get you two in with no other issues and not bringing attention to Seb’s identity. 

The music blares in your ears as soon as the door opens, but you know you chose the right place to bring Sebastian tonight. The color scheme is a sexy red, the kind that screams passion and hookups. The strobe lights add flashes of color to see someone’s face for just a glance. But that’s no problem for you: you know exactly who you’ll be across from the entire time. 

“Do you want to get a drink?” You can barely hear him, but Sebastian is probably screaming over the sensual music. 

“Let’s dance,” you say and pull him onto the dance floor. He reluctantly follows you, but follows you all the same. You flip your hair over your shoulder and give him a look. He laughs of embarrassment, but only at himself: he’s not much for dancing, especially in public. You put your hands around his waist and guide his hips along with yours, swaying to the music that plays overhead. You move your shoulders and step your feet along to the rhythm, and he begins to follow along with you. Beads of sweat are already beginning to form on his forehead. You brush your fingers along his neck and move them into his hair, grabbing it gently and bringing his head closer to yours. You’re surprised at how far along he’s going with this. He leans his forehead against yours, and you close your eyes. His breath is hot against your cheek. 

_ Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me _ . 

You start to bring your lips forward towards his, but he pulls back suddenly and steps away from you. Your eyes open to see a distressed look on his face. 

“How about that drink I’m so thirsty what do you want I’ll just get whatever the bartender recommends be right back,” he says in one swift breath. He rushes off before you get a chance to respond. You just stand there in shock, unsure of what to do now.

He had to have known what you were doing, right? He had to have known that you wanted him to make a move. Did he leave because he got nervous? Or maybe he really didn’t want to kiss you…

Heading to the bar, you keep an eye out for Sebastian. He isn’t sitting on any of the bar stools, nor is he standing anywhere near it. 

“Has a dude come over here in the last minute for two drinks? About yea tall, blue eyes, brown hair?” The woman thinks for a minute but shakes her head. How did you manage to lose him in just 30 seconds? The place was crowded but damn. 

You search around you again, but still don’t see him. Maybe he went to the bathroom. You sit on the stool in front of you and order a drink of whatever the woman’s got. She brings back a shot of whatever is in the glass and throw it back. As you let the burn settle in your throat, you have flashbacks of that wild party senior year. You still can’t remember what happened that night… 

No, tonight will not be a repeat of then. You’ve learned how to handle your liquor better. 

You have two more drinks before you decide to go looking for Seb again. No matter what happened between the two of you, he wouldn’t just leave without telling you. Plus, you guys just got there. He wouldn’t leave after just a few minutes, either. 

Maybe you can come up with an excuse as to why you were dirty dancing with him. You probably should’ve gotten drinks first to use as a reason why you would be making a move on him. You make a move on everyone when you’re drinking, so he couldn’t take it personally. 

Maybe you’ll get lucky enough and he’ll get so smashed he doesn’t remember a thing. But fate is too cruel to do you that big of a favor. 

There’s still no sign of him, until you get to the walkway near the bathrooms. There’s a huge line of people waiting to get in to use it, but there are always random club goers pressing each other against the wall and making out. 

Scanning those waiting in line, you see Sebastian—talking to a thin blonde woman with platforms giving her a few more inches than she actually has. Her hand lands delicately on Seb’s arm and he leans into the touch, smiling and laughing. You watch a second longer, making sure you remember the ache you’re feeling in your chest in this very moment. This is why you don’t try. This is why you don’t have any type of expectations. He’s smiling at her, talking to her, laughing, flirting, not thinking of the friend he left looking like a fool on the dance floor. 

Maybe Sebastian isn’t everything you thought he was. Sure, maybe he’s a good friend, but he’s definitely not boyfriend material. Not when he forgets you so easily. You obviously don’t mean as much to him as he does to you in the romantic department. 

You head back to the bar, ready to drink away your feelings. 

The woman must have been working as a bartender for a long time; she saw the look in your eyes and knew right away you needed another drink. “This one’s on the house,” she said sincerely. You give a half smile and take a sip. 

“Rough night?” someone asks to your right. 

You look to see a stranger: stereotypical tall, dark, and handsome. His skin was pale under the lights, his bright blue eyes nearly hidden behind dark hair. 

“I guess you can say that,” you tell him, taking another sip. 

“Then I guess you can say your next drink is on me,” he tried to flirt. Keyword is tried. 

“That’s okay. Thanks anyway.” You really were not in the mood to be hit on by some random guy. You just wanted to sit and sulk by yourself. 

“Are you sure? I promise: no strings attached,” he smiled. He was really attractive… 

Hell, if Seb can ditch you for random strangers, then you should be able to enjoy yourself, too. 

You smile back at him and nod a little, letting him know through your eyes that you’re all in for whatever happens tonight. 

He waves at the bartender to bring two more drinks. “I’m y/n,” you tell him as the woman puts the glasses in front of you and fills them up. 

“You have a beautiful name. I’m Danny.” You clink your glasses together and drink it in one swift motion. He holds out his hand and leads you to the dance floor, grinding up against you to the fast, upbeat music. His hands start on your hips but quickly move over ass. Normally you’d tell him to slow down, but you’ve had a few too many drinks and the image of Sebastian flirting with that girl still stings in the back of your mind. You always say things don’t happen for you because you never make them happen. 

_ Stop worrying and follow wherever the night leads  _ you tell yourself. Forget about Sebastian. It’s never going to happen and you just need to accept that. Move on and—

Danny kisses you suddenly, interrupting your overthinking. It takes a second for you to realize what’s happening, but you kiss him back. Strong. Impulsively. You move your lips from his and kiss his cheek, his neck, his throat. 

“Wanna get out of here?” he whispered close to your ear. You look at him full of lust and nod before you have a second to think otherwise. 

Sending a quick text to Seb so he knows not to worry (or wait up), you follow Danny out the door and into the sinful night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos! Thank you so much for reading :)


	6. picture this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long and I think this chapter could've been better, but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. I'll always update as soon as I can. This is kind of a filler chapter to get to the next one, which I think is much more interesting. Enjoy!

You know as soon as you wake up that you’re not in your own bed. The sun is peeking through the blinds and heavy traffic sounds from outside the window. The weight beside you in bed shifts and you look to see the man—Danny—from the club last night. With a pounding head, you gently swing your legs around and tiptoe out of bed. Quietly grabbing your clothes that were scattered around the bedroom floor, you rush downstairs, getting dressed as you go along. 

When you got outside, you called for an Uber to take you back home, but only after looking around for the street address. You probably should’ve paid more attention to where you were going last night, but there were…other things on your mind. As long as he picks you up before Danny wakes up and tries to stop you from fleeing without getting some contact information. The last thing you want to deal with is trying to get away from a needy stranger. 

You didn’t mean to use him, he just kind of offered himself up in a time when you needed it the most. But that didn’t mean you wanted him to call you later or meet your parents or anything. Granted, he could feel the same as you, but you can’t risk it. 

The car pulled up and you scramble in it quickly, telling the driver the address to home. The ride is filled with your mind going a hundred miles a minute, wondering if you would end up walking in on Sebastian in a similar state. He did seem cozy with that blonde he was with, but Seb isn’t quite as impulsive as you are. 

You quietly enter the front door and close it, hoping Sebastian is still sleeping. _You’ll have to face him eventually_ you think. _If he would’ve just kissed me or something then none of this would’ve happened. We would be together. He screwed it all up._

A sadness settled into your chest, knowing deep down you can’t blame Sebastian. He has every right not to want you. But, still, there was a part of you that thought he could really want you… 

“Where the hell have you been?” You look to see Sebastian coming down the staircase, fresh out of the shower. “I called you a hundred times last night and you never answered.”

“My phone died,” you tell him. Why was he so mad? “I sent you a text.” 

“The most obscure text you could’ve sent! Don’t you watch TV anymore? You could’ve been murdered.” 

You laugh without humor. He had no right to be upset with you after dirty dancing with some stranger who he no doubt hooked up with—or at least got the phone number for to hook up with later. 

“It’s not funny. I was seriously worried, y/n.” 

Okay, now you felt bad. He never got upset unless he had a good reason. And you guess you did act a little recklessly last night. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think you’d be so upset. That wasn’t my intention.” 

His face softens a bit and it melts your heart. God, you love him. _Fuck_. 

“I know. Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” He smiled a bit. “I’m not your mother.” 

“So how was your night?” you ask, though you definitely don’t want to hear about it. _You want him to be happy, remember?_

He chuckled a bit. “Alright, I guess. I left shortly after you did.”

“What do you mean? I saw you talking to that blonde girl by the bathrooms. It looked like you were hitting it off,” you tell him in a neutral voice. You’re not exactly sure where you want this conversation to go. On one hand, he doesn’t hit it off with the girl and you have nothing to worry about, yet you hooked up with a random guy and hurt Seb’s feelings. But if he does like her, then of course that sucks for the most obvious reasons. 

“She recognized me,” he said seriously. “I didn’t want her to cause a scene or anything. So I was just trying to give her some attention so she wouldn’t say anything.” 

“Whoa, Mr. Celebrity,” you try to joke, but he’s clearly concerned about what happened last night. There’s a lot to decipher, and you’re far too hungover to try to figure everything out. 

“I think it’s fine now. I just feel bad for ditching you. I didn’t mean to,” he said with sincerity. 

You waved him off. “Don’t worry about it.” You point to the stairs and say, “I’m just gonna go lay down for a bit.” 

He nods and smiles in the sweet way he does that makes the butterflies in your belly burst. You drag yourself up the stairs, not even wanting to look at yourself in the mirror. You flop into bed, pull the covers over your eyes, and slip into a mindless sleep.

* * *

You wake up completely disoriented. The alarm clock says 3pm, but no way that can be right. It feels like you’ve been asleep for the entire day. There’s a bad taste in your mouth and your back cracks when you reach over for your phone. 

Still in bed, you check your notifications, which seems to be dry as always. However, when you logged onto Twitter, your heart leaped into your throat. Sebastian’s name is trending in the U.S. along with sleazy headlines and photos of him from the club last night. But they weren’t pictures with you or just him, but instead they were photos of him with that random blonde girl from the club. 

You climb out of bed and hurry downstairs, but Sebastian isn’t home. You call him worried; today was his day off and he wasn’t expected to be anywhere. The tweets and posts flood your brain, calling Sebastian a playboy who spends his time at the club getting drunk and laid. You knew it was all lies, but there was still an ache in your chest at the thought of it all. 

He didn’t answer his phone. You tried again three times, but still no answer. It wasn’t until hours later when he came home looking nervous and stressed. 

“Hey, now it’s my turn to be mad with concern. Where have you been? I called you a bunch of times and left messages. Not even a text back? What the hell?”

He walks past you without a word, opening the fridge to get a beer. “Y/N…” he trailed off, looking down at the floor. “Andrea gave me an idea on how to fix my image.” Andrea: his publicist. She’s the one who makes sure he stays cast in a good light. It’s not good news that she’s involved. 

“What are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong with your image,” you tell him, sitting across from him. “This will fade in like a week’s time; rumors always do.” 

“I know, but she said that the press found out who the girl is and everything, and we don’t know what’ll happen next. It just doesn’t look good for me, ya know?” He had a lot of projects coming up, which means a lot of interviews, a lot of attention, and a lot of people asking questions. 

“Okay, so you said there was an idea. What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “It involves you,” he said carefully. “I need a favor.” 

“What is it?” you ask without hesitation. Anything he needs you’ll do for him, just as he would for you. 

“Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	7. wildfire lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh I'm so sorry this is kind of late! I meant to upload it so much sooner, but here it is now. I can't wait for you guys, gals & nonbinary pals to see what's next, so I'm hoping to get the next chapter up soon. Enjoy! :)

“What?” you ask, blinking rapidly. Did you hear him just right? Was everything falling into place after all this time? 

He tried not to look embarrassed at what he was asking, but why would he? He had to know how you felt, especially after last night. Isn’t that why he was doing this?

“I know this is so weird, and you don’t have to agree to anything you don’t want to,” he said. “But Andrea thinks it might be a good idea to make it seem like I have a stable, healthy relationship rather than what was happening at the club. It’ll look better for everyone; I really don’t want to have that kind of reputation.” 

_ Oh. _ That’s right. The plan. He wanted you to be his  _ fake  _ girlfriend. 

“We’ve obviously been photographed together, and I’ve just dismissed it as the friendship it is,” he continued.  _ Just rub it in my face more why don’t ya _ . “But you’re the only one who is close enough to me and I’m comfortable enough with. I can’t think of anyone else I could do this with.”

Okay, that was kind of sweet. 

You couldn’t look away from his puppy dog eyes. He needed help, and his anxiety was clearly written all over his face. You felt bad for him. Hey, maybe it could turn into something special? He just said you’re the only one he’s comfortable enough with; that sounds pretty special to you. And you know he would never put you in any type of position that would harm you.

“Okay,” you agree. You can’t help but giggle at the look of surprise that crosses his face. “What?”

“I just didn’t think you’d say yes so fast,” he said. “People will ask you a lot of questions that’ll probably make you uncomfortable. You might have to deactivate your social media the way that some people comment on my personal life; I doubt they’d like the idea of the two of us together.” 

God, he was talking like you were going public with an actual relationship. All those things he was saying did sound pretty scary, but you trusted him. He would have your back, and it’s not like this could end badly like an actual breakup. He’d still be here when it was all over and done. Besides, no one else mattered as long as you were happy, and Sebastian made you so happy. 

“Hey,” you say gently, taking his hand. “You need help, and I’m happy to be here for you. Plus, I love hearing you say how badly you need me. Maybe tell me just one more time.”

You feel your heart skip a beat when he smiles at you. It isn’t like a shy smile, but a big toothy grin that you don’t get to see as often as you would like. 

“I need you, y/n.”

“What was that? I’m sorry I can’t quite hear you.”

“I need you, y/n,” he yells, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. 

“Ahh, okay. No need to shout. I will help you…boyfriend.” You add the tag at the end to see his reaction, but all he does it let out a small giggle. Maybe you could get used to this.

“Thank you so much,” he says kissing your cheek with a loud  _ muah _ . “I’ll call Andrea quick.” 

He disappears around the corner, pulling out his phone to tell his publicist you’re his new “girlfriend.” The words sounded weird, even in your head. You always imagined the day you would call yourself Sebastian’s girlfriend, but it wasn’t even real. You probably should have asked what exactly all of this would entail.

Now a bit of panic set in. Would you have to kiss him? Would you have to show affection in public? Would you have to talk to interviewers at events? How deep is this even gonna go? And for how long? Maybe you’re just overthinking it, but the different scenarios chew up the thoughts in your mind. This could end up being an absolute disaster. 

At least he hadn’t mentioned the  _ almost _ kiss. Either he didn’t know what you were going for or he wanted to save you the embarrassment; honestly, you’re not sure which would be worse.

When he comes back, there’s a look of concern in his eyes, but it’s mixed with some excitement. You raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to spill whatever it is he had just found out from Andrea. 

“So, we have a plan.”

“Another plan? I’m guessing I’m involved.” Yikes. They had something set up so soon? 

“Of course…babe.” He said the last part with a wink, and you have to sit down before you collapse from the gesture. You better get used to it. At least it won’t be difficult to prove to people that you’re in love with Seb. He’s going to have the most difficult part. 

He continues to tell you about this lavish Hollywood party that is happening tomorrow night and he wants you to attend with him. 

“What? Are you kidding? I can’t go to that. I have work. I don’t have anything to wear,” you scramble out excuses to him. He just sits patiently waiting for you to finish. 

“Y/N, you haven’t taken a day off in  _ forever _ . I’m sure you can call off on Monday. I mean, come on, it’s a Monday.”

“This is so stupid. Why would they have this on a Sunday? Like people don’t have things to do.” He chuckled, but it was a fair point. Famous people or not, Sunday nights are for panic parties only.

“And what about my outfit? I don’t have anything to wear to something like that. They’ll call you an idiot for dating a bag lady.” 

“Don’t worry about that. I can just have Netania pick something up for you to wear.” 

Something else strikes you about the party, and you give a playful gasp. “So there will be… _ celebrities _ ?”

He rolls his eyes. “You know, I’m a celebrity.” 

“Yeah, but you don’t count.” He faked a hurt look, but it was true: he didn’t count. 

“Well, then, yes, there will be,” he said. “It’s not like you haven’t met any before.”   
  
“Sure, I’ve met them in passing, but I have to talk to them and stuff. I don’t wanna embarrass myself.” There’ve been people he’s hung out with in the house, but you always kept your distance at the fear of being too awkward around them.    
  


“You won’t. They’re just people.” 

But even Sebastian, who you’ve known for years, isn’t just a person. Even when you first met him, you could tell he was going to be more to you than just some kid you had to show around for his first day of school. He was always something else. 

Now you’d have to do this for him and  _ not _ embarrass him. You don’t even know why you’re freaking out so much. You wanted this to happen. Maybe not this specifically, but you wanted him to like you, to date you, to take you out to parties and meet other people. This is an opportunity to show him that you’re right for each other, and he’d be a fool to be with anyone else. 

“Okay,” you declare. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

It was almost time to go. 

Sebastian’s assistant, Netania, brought you a black dress with a small slit in the leg and a subtle floral pattern towards the bottom. It was absolutely stunning, the most beautiful dress you’d ever seen in your entire life. 

She brought you a pink lipstick to pair with it and said to just do your usual winged liner with it. You were almost ready except for your hair.  _ What the hell am I supposed to do with this? I’m not a hairdresser. _

You decided to just throw it back in a fishtail braid that came down and rested around your shoulder. It was lazy, but it also didn’t look out of place. Next time you’ll have to have Seb hire someone to come in and do this for you. Hollywood style is too much work for one woman. 

When you came down the stairs ready to go, he had the same look on his face from the other night. You felt beautiful in the glorious gown, but you were completely out of your element. 

“You look really beautiful, y/n,” he said. He meant what he said too, and your heart was fluttering in your chest “Are you ready?” 

And even though you weren’t, you wipe your sweaty palms on your side and take Sebastian’s hand, letting him lead you to another world filled with glitz and glamor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always feel free to let me know what you'd like to see more of in the comments or maybe something you're not a huge fan of! Thanks for reading


	8. gorgeous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously have ~never~ been to a fancy Hollywood party, so just pretend this is real. I'm sure Seb is reading this and LAUGHING at my lavish idiocy. Enjoy :)

The ride to the party/gala/whatever this lavish event is took longer than you thought, though most of the time came from sitting in traffic. There was so much agony with waiting, the nerves taking more control over your body with each minute that passed. You can feel the drops of sweat forming on your upper lip, your leg never taking a break from bouncing.

After a few moments, Sebastian sets his hand on your leg to stop the shaking, then takes your hand in his. You’re worried act disgusted by your sweaty palm, but he’s nothing but a gentleman.

“You okay?” he asks. How can he possibly ask that? Of course you’re not okay. 

“I’m gonna sweat off all my makeup before we even get there. I mean honestly what’s with all this traffic? Did somebody die?” If someone actually did die then the karma coming your way would be sour. 

“Y/N—”

“I’m sorry. I’m just nervous. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can go home.”

He gives you an understanding and comforting smile, squeezing your hand. He holds onto you the rest of the way until the car finally stops in front of a grand building. It was beautifully illuminated with white lights and fire lanterns. It felt like being in a romantic Christmas movie scene. Everything was so magical. 

At least until you got out of the car.

When the driver opened the door, Sebastian got out first and turned to take your hand. You knew you were going to have to get out and follow him, but still you were hesitant.

He gave you a nod, so you put your hand in his and you were immediately blinded by camera lights and deafened by people’s shouts. Sebastian leaned in close, his lips in your hair, so only you could hear. 

“I have to talk to a few, but just stay next to me and it’ll be over soon.” He squeezes your hand tightly, and you allow him to lead you toward the chaos. 

There were so many people crowding the entrance, some dressed up in formal attire and some in casual clothing. Those were the ones with the cameras that didn’t work for popular magazines or shows, but were just looking to make some quick money with a bad picture. Seb had said earlier to stay away from them. 

You sauntered towards those with fancy dresses and suits holding microphones and speaking to others who looked just as dressed up as them. 

They immediately turned to Sebastian and started asking him questions about the upcoming Avengers movie and upcoming projects. He kept a cool composure, but you knew having the constant attention on him sometimes gave him anxiety. You touch his arm lightly, just as a reminder that you’re there with him. He leans into your touch, without going unnoticed by the interviewers. 

“And who is your friend here Sebastian? She looks familiar.” The woman was asking Seb, but all eyes were on you. 

Shit. You were not supposed to do any talking, but you didn’t want to seem rude. You open your mouth to speak, but Sebastian thankfully steps in. 

“Her name is y/n. She’s my date.” The way he said it sent tingles up your spine. It was out there now. Everyone started talking at once, but the same woman in the front was the loudest. 

“A date for tonight or all nights?” she asked jokingly. 

Sebastian starts to lead you away from the crowd, but not without looking back at them and saying, “we’ll see” with a wink. You can’t help but laugh at his comment, knowing that the both of you are unsure how long this ruse with last. But honestly, the longer the better. 

He kisses your cheek, just as he’s done a thousand times before, but this time is different somehow. You don’t realize until he lets go of you to open the door that he never let go of your hand once. As soon as you were inside, he put his arm out for you to take. Damn, you could get used to this. 

It was much quieter inside, though there was still a low buzz with all of the people talking. The room was giant and well lit, with the most beautiful chandeliers hanging above you. 

“The decor alone is worth more than what I’ll make in my lifetime,” you whisper to Seb. He chuckles softly, knowing you don’t want a lot of attention drawn to the two of you. The quicker the night ends then the sooner you can get out of these heels and stop worrying about looking bad. But at the same time the sooner the night ends the sooner you’re back to being Sebastian’s friend, and that’s not exactly what you want. You let out a long sigh; this is going to be a long night. There’s going to be a dinner served, so Sebastian leads you over to a table near the corner. He said if being away from the door will lessen the chance he’ll see someone he knows and might not want to talk to. You completely agree with him. 

“See? Just like everybody else,” he said. 

“We’ve already established that you don’t count as a celebrity,” you tell him. 

He sees you holding onto your arms and takes off his jacket. God, this isn’t really happening is it? He sets it around your shoulders and whispers in your ear. 

“I’m gonna head to the bathroom quick, but I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t worry about a thing; you look gorgeous.” 

You smile gratefully and nod in response and he reminds you not to drink too much. 

“Maybe I’ll be gone by the time you get back, dick.” 

He rolls his eyes at your empty threat. His jacket is warm and comfortable. You cautiously bring the sleeve up to your nose, hoping no one sees you breathing in his scent. You could fall asleep right there with how relaxed you are. The only thing missing is Sebastian. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, nose still lightly pressed against the fabric of his designer jacket. 

The chair beside you shifts and you figure Sebastian’s returned already. But when you open your eyes, it isn’t him. It’s some man you’ve never seen before, with dark hair and eyes just as dark. He doesn’t look familiar at all, and you try to think of something he could’ve been in. One thing you know for certain, though, is he’s sitting far too close for your comfort. 

He keeps staring at you, so you smile at him as a friendly hello. 

He smiled back, a toothy grin that wasn’t as welcoming as he probably thinks it is. “Come here often?” he asked. Is he serious?

You chuckle uncomfortably, but he’s waiting for an actual answer. 

“Oh no. I’m here with my boyfriend. He’s just gone to the bathroom quick.” You’re hoping he takes the hint of you mentioning a boyfriend. He just scoots his chair closer. This is an upscale Hollywood gala; nothing bad can happen. Can it? 

He sets his hand on your thigh and says something about your boyfriend leaving you alone, but you can’t quite hear him over the ringing in your ears. 

When his hand starts to move up your leg, you stand up sharply, telling him to get lost. He stands, too, reprimanding you for your rudeness. Your hands tightened into fists, not caring that people are starting to look now, but this guy was asking to get socked across the face. 

You go to take a step towards him, but a hand lightly wraps around your arm and pulls you away. When you turn around, you’re ready to tell Seb that you’ve got everything handled. 

But, surprisingly, it isn’t Sebastian. 

Chris Evans steps in front of you, putting his face right in front of the other guy’s. 

“I don’t know how you got in here, but security’s on the way. If I were you, I’d do what she said and get lost. Now.” His voice was low and harsh, which kind of surprised you. The Chris Evans that you saw on TV and heard Seb talk about was kind and funny and easy-going. But this was a whole other side I don’t think people were used to seeing. 

The creep didn’t want to back down, but scurried away and out the back doors. Everyone went back to their business, with only a few lingering eyes on you and Chris. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, leading you to sit back in the chair. 

“I had it handled,” you told him. He smiled a bit. It was annoying. How dare he laugh at you? You don’t need him to swoop in and act like he fixed everything. But damn he was kind of cute. 

“I’m sure you did, but that guy’s been trouble for a while, always showing up here uninvited. Wanted to make sure he knew he wasn’t getting away with it.” 

You let out another sigh, feeling rude for how you acted. “You’re right, I’m sorry. You were just trying to help.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m Chris,” he said, holding out his hand. 

You laugh at him. “Yeah, I know. I’m y/n.” When you placed your hand in his, he brought it to his lips, pressing them gently against the back of your palm. Okay, maybe he was really cute. 

Suddenly, a shocked voice appears next to the two of you. Taking your eyes off of Chris, you see Sebastian standing there, looking…jealous?

“What’s going on here?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you miss the Chris Evans & love triangle tag ;) thank you for reading!


	9. nice to meet ya (i got love for you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but for some reason this chapter was really hard to write. Enjoy!

“What’s going on here?”

Chris looks up immediately with a giant smile on his face. “Hey, man, you made it!”

He stood up to give Seb a quick hug, and even though he returned it, he never took his eyes off of you. Chris looked back at you standing there awkwardly, waiting for them to get done talking like a kid waits for their mom in the grocery store when she runs into someone she knows. 

“This is y/n,” Chris introduces to Sebastian.

You both laugh, but his is in more of an unamused way. He comes over and puts his arm around you, squeezing your shoulder. 

“She’s my date,” Sebastian told Chris. 

Chris’s whole demeanor changed, though he tried to hide it. 

“Oh, that’s great. I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” he said to Sebastian. 

Seb told him that you were a longtime friend and the romantic aspect is…new. Chris was surprised to learn that  _ you’re _ the y/n that Seb has been with forever. You let Sebastian do the talking, knowing he had the cover story better memorized than you. 

It was strange to be in the middle of the two of them—Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans. What has your life become? The other week you were going to bed early after prepping for a morning to teach about the Civil War, and now you’re at a Hollywood gala surrounded by celebrities, one of which happens to be your best friend turned secret crush turned pretend boyfriend. Things were getting more complicated by the minute. 

After catching up with Seb, Chris turns to you and takes your hand again; this time in a friendly shake rather than the intimate greeting he gave earlier. 

“It was nice to meet you, y/n.” His eyes were so soft. How could he look dreamier in person than on screen? “See you around.” 

“You too,” you say. It’s all you can force to come out of your mouth at the moment. This whole night has been the most bizarre experience—and you’ve had some wild times. 

You watch him walk away, only slightly aware of Sebastian watching you. He clears his throat and shifts his feet like a child wanting attention. It’s hard to read his expression when you turn to look at him. 

“What?” you ask him defensively. Wouldn’t he want you to get along with his friends, especially at a social event like this?

“If you’re done flirting, then let’s eat.” He leads you back to the table where a plate of salad was served with a tall glass of champagne. Seb begins digging into his food silently, and you follow the lead. 

“Is this seriously all they’re serving?” you ask him, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Yeah, I think so.” 

“Damn. Maybe we should hit up a McDonald’s after,” you laugh. He doesn’t even look up. 

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing.” Yeah, right. You hate how Seb always acts like a child when he’s angry, especially when he has no right to be. 

“Don’t be like that,” you tell him, resting a hand on his bouncing leg. “Why are you mad?” 

“I’m not mad.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“I’m not mad. It just doesn’t look good when my supposed girlfriend is flirting with my costar.” 

You stare at him in shock, unable to speak at first. Is he jealous?

“Are you jealous?”

His head snaps up at that. 

“What? Why would I be jealous?”

“You seem pretty pissed that Chris and I were talking,” you shrug. “I don’t know, he seemed pretty flirty until you told him we were together.” 

“He’s pretty flirty in general, y/n. Don’t get a big head about it.” He turned back to his plate, and you just stare at him, partly in surprise, but also in disgust. No matter how upset he is, he’s never talked to you like that. If he did, then you definitely wouldn’t have been friends for this long. 

You’re not going to sit here and watch him play with his food, so you get up and storm out of the room. Maybe it’s a bit dramatic, but there’s no holds barred when you’re upset. And you have a right to be. You’re risking your personal life, time, and emotional stability to do him the favor of improving his image. 

The chilled air hits your face, and you fold your arms across your chest. Just like clockwork, Seb came outside a few moments after you did. His cheeks are slightly red and his eyes are full of sorrow. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“No,” you tell him. No, you didn’t know he didn’t mean it like that. He opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it again. You continue to stare at him, relishing in the fact that he’s too embarrassed by his behavior to speak. 

As he should be. 

Sebastian comes towards you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. At first, you hesitate to return the gesture. You always forgive Seb right away, even if you’re still unsettled by what happened because you know he intends no ill will. But still, he hurt your feelings, and you didn’t really want to forgive him just because he holds you. Though it does feel nice. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into your hair. “I didn’t mean to talk to you like that, y/n. I really didn’t.”  _ Dammit _ . You lean into his touch and rest your hands on his back, enjoying the unusual embrace. Breathing in the scent of his coat, he tells you about worrying that Chris would be able to figure out if the two of you were lying. 

“You’re literally an actor. You can’t sit there and tell me you’re a bad liar.”

“I’m not,” he smirks. “I’m standing.”

You start laughing, but more at his laughter than the actual joke. 

“Whatever. Come on. Let’s go back inside,” you suggest. 

Instead of agreeing and following you inside, which was the whole point of this night, Seb says, “I have a better idea.”

* * *

After you had the fight with Sebastian at the gala, he had his driver take you two through the McDonald’s drive thru for a much more filling meal than earlier. It felt kind of silly, sitting around eating food from a dollar menu in clothing that would cost you quite a few paychecks. 

It also felt like a real date Seb would take you on. Getting dressed up just to do something basic, while you just talked like it was any other day. He was always so sweet and considerate; he always knew if you were uncomfortable and tried to make you feel better in any situation. 

Your heart was fluttering as you finally got home, kicking off your heels as soon as you walk in the door. Few words are exchanged as you and Sebastian walk up the stairs to your separate bedrooms. 

“Good night, y/n. Thank you for coming with me. I know it wasn’t what you—”

“Shush. I had a great time.” There’s definitely a spark between you in the moment. His eyes are sparkling like the stars that hung above your heads all night. God, you just want to kiss him… 

“See you in the morning,” he said, turning to go into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. 

You let out a deep sigh, feeling only slightly defeated as you head to the bathroom to take off the pounds of makeup. To be honest, you look almost unrecognizable. You look beautiful, sure, but did Seb prefer you this way? Is this why he wanted you to come with him to a Hollywood event rather than just a casual appearance in public? Was he ashamed of you?

You try to push down your insecurities, but the questions won’t leave you alone. Was Sebastian right about what he said about Chris? It’s ridiculous to think he was flirting with you. No way he actually saw something in you…just like Seb. 

You know this is just doubt clouding your mind, but it still didn’t stop you from going to bed with stray tears and an uneasy heart.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave comments and kudos and have a happy holiday :)


	10. secrets

The next morning you catch Sebastian in a great mood, humming a familiar tune while he makes a breakfast buffet. He doesn’t notice the puffiness under your eyes from a night of tears. 

“What’s all this?” you ask. 

“Just wanted to say thank you for last night,” he says flipping a pancake onto a plate and sliding it towards you. “Everything went without a hitch.”   
  
“Oh, it did, did it?” Is he suddenly forgetting his freak out over you talking to another guy? He squints his eyes at your sarcasm. 

“Did you suddenly forget your freak out over me talking to another guy?” 

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I already said I was sorry about that. Now that the stress with pretending to be together is over, we can relax and go back to how things were before.”  _ Great _ . 

“Oh. That’s good.” You shove pancake and bacon into your mouth, trying to ignore just how relieved he seemed by not needing to be seen with you romantically anymore. “So we don’t have to go to anymore events like that?”

He shook his head, now fixing his own plate of breakfast foods. “No, nothing to that extent. When we go out together in public and people take photos of us, we’ll just ignore it like usual. We’re seen together enough I don’t think anyone would say anything.”

“Okay, that’s great and all, but how long are we supposed to keep this up? I mean, what if we meet other people? We can’t tell everyone we’re together forever.” Though that would be nice. 

He just shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Seriously? That’s your plan?” It’s not like you don’t enjoy being Sebastian’s fake girlfriend, but how much longer can you keep up the pretending before real feelings slip out? 

“It’s literally been a day. It’s not like you have someone lined up anyway.” 

“How do you know?”

“Do you?” he asks. His tone is unrecognizable. You’ve have arguments or disagreements, sure, but his reaction now is something different altogether. 

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?” he asks, exasperated. 

“The point is you’re being a jerk right now.  _ I’m  _ doing  _ you _ a favor and I deserve to know how much or how long this will disrupt my life. Unlike you, I didn’t sign up for this.” Seb opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but closed it again just as quickly. He knows when you raise your voice like this, it’s not because you’re trying to be harsh. It’s because you’re right.

“And I also don’t appreciate you assuming my personal business. You act like men can’t like me. Am I so undesirable?”

He sat silent, absorbing your words, though it didn’t look like he was going to respond. 

“That wasn’t rhetorical,” you deadpan. 

“I didn’t mean to imply anything like that. You’re my best friend; I figured you’d tell me if anything was uncomfortable for you.” His dough eyes melted your heart every time. 

“You’re right. I would,” you say. “It’s just nice to be asked.” 

“I know.” He takes your hand in his and holds it for a minute. His skin is warm, comforting. You imagine for a moment, being able to lie next to him, your head on his bare chest. That same warmth keeping you company through the long and restless nights. 

Seb looks at the clock on the microwave and hurries around. “Shit. I’m running late.” He downs the rest of the orange juice he had sitting on the table and turns to run out the door. “Come by the set later, okay? We can get lunch. I’ll tell them you’re coming.” 

You don’t even get to confirm before he shuts the door, leaving you in the kitchen with nothing except a mess to clean up. 

* * *

It’s so strange to walk onto a movie set, especially one as secret as a Marvel film. You have to wait in Sebastian’s trailer until he’s done. Time seems to drag on forever, until there’s finally a knock on the door. At first, you’re not sure if you should answer. It obviously isn’t Sebastian; he wouldn’t be knocking on his own door. 

Curiosity won over, and you opened the door to Chris Evans in his patriotic wardrobe. 

“Oh,” he says, surprised. “Hi, y/n. I was just looking for Sebastian.”

“I’m not sure where he is.”  _ He remembered my name? _ “I was told to wait here until he comes back, but who knows when that will be.”

“Is it alright if I wait here, too? I think he’ll be by soon.”

You don’t say anything, but nod that it’s fine. Hopefully he’s here soon…and it isn’t too awkward. 

Chris tries making small talk for a little while, but after having no real response from you, he looks at the floor and sighs. 

“Look, I’m sorry for last night. If I knew you were Seb’s girlfriend I wouldn’t have been in your space.” 

But you kind of liked that he was in your space. He acted like he was actually interested, unlike Sebastian at the gala. And you definitely didn’t want Chris to think bad of you. He seemed trustworthy; Seb was always raving about what a good friend he is to him. Would it be so bad if someone else knew? 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you tell him, already giving up on the secret. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. How can you keep your love for Seb a secret and not this? 

“What do you mean?”

“He just thought it would look better for himself if people thought he had a stable relationship. So he took me as his date and we told the press we were a couple. But we’re not really.”

Chris sits there for a minute, processing what you were saying. It was a bizarre situation. But then you realize you may have made a mistake, and go on begging. 

“Please don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret, and I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place,” you explain. “It’s just hard to not be able to talk about it with anyone who’s not Seb.” 

He just nodded in understanding, but there was something about him that you trusted. He wouldn’t say anything. He doesn’t have anything to gain from telling people. Even if he did, Sebastian spoke highly of him; he would never do anything to hurt his friends. 

“Are you mad?” you ask. He still wasn’t saying anything. 

“Why would I be mad?”

“We lied.” 

“No, I’m not mad. It isn’t any of my business.”

“Then why do you look like that.” His face was hard, eyebrows furrowed as if in deep thought. 

“I just had a really selfish thought that I was contemplating to say or not,” he laughed without humor. 

“What is it?” 

“I’ve decided I shouldn’t say,” he says. 

“Oh, come on. I told you the biggest secret I have and now you won’t tell me what you’re thinking about it.” 

Considering this, he takes a breath and says the opposite of what you were expecting: “I was thinking I was relieved because I wanted to ask you to dinner at the gala, but once Sebastian said you were his girlfriend I backed off. Now you’re not. So I was thinking I’d like to reopen the invitation. Or, I guess open it in the first place” 

Watching Chris Evans stumble over his words trying to ask you on a date was a sight you never thought you’d see, especially after Seb planted the idea in your mind that someone like him would never want someone like you. 

Seb didn’t think you were special enough for Chris Evans to be interested? Well, you’ll show him. If he didn’t want to date you for real, there were plenty of other people who did. 

With a beaming grin, you say,“I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! feel free to leave comments about what you liked, didn't like, or would like to see in the future :)


	11. look what you made me do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit shorter in comparison to the others, but I figured a short chapter is better than no chapter! I will try to update soon, but this semester is definitely my biggest workload thus far. Thanks for all of your support! I hope you enjoy :)

You try to breathe easy, checking yourself in the mirror for what seems like the fiftieth time. This is probably a huge mistake, going on an actual date with Chris, but it was too late to back out. Your dress was on, your hair was done, and he was on his way to pick you up. 

Perhaps the craziest part of this whole endeavor is that Sebastian doesn’t even know. He was running far too late for you to wait around for him in his trailer, so you left Chris alone to give him the message that you stopped by. Since Seb hadn’t said anything for the past week, you assumed Chris didn’t mention the date. And now Sebastian was downstairs, and there was no way to get out of the house without him seeing you all dolled up. 

You keep telling yourself that you’re nervous to say something because you don’t want him to be upset. You’re supposed to be “dating” him, but now someone else might see you out with a different guy—his costar, no less. 

But at the same time, you want him to know you have a date with someone else. Seb only needs you to make himself look better, so as long as no one knows about you and Chris, who cares? And who even knows where this will go with Chris? You’ll never know if you don’t try. And you certainly can’t wait around for Sebastian forever. If only he could just feel the same way. You weren’t intentionally trying to make him jealous with Chris, but if that happened along the way, you wouldn’t complain. 

You walk quietly down the stairs, not really sure if you’re wishing for Sebastian to be there or not. Rounding the corner after the staircase, he’s sitting on the couch with his feet up, looking as gorgeous as ever. 

“What are you doing tonight all dressed up?” he asked, smirking. 

“I’m going out,” you tell him. You quickly grab your purse and sling it over your shoulder. There’s no notification on your phone yet to come outside. You’ve decided that you wish he wasn’t there; you really didn’t want to have this conversation until you had yourself figured out. 

“Going out where?” He stood up, now suspicious. 

“I, uh, I have a date,” you say, not meeting his eyes. Putting on your shoes, you silently pray for a way out of this already awkward situation. 

“A date? With who? I thought we had an understanding.” He gestures between the two of you. 

“An understanding where we make you look good and I get nothing out of it? I shouldn’t have to put my personal life on hold. It’s not like we’re going to be out where people can see us,” you reason. 

“Then where are you going to be?” 

“Jeez, Dad, we’re going to dinner in a private restaurant. You don’t need to know everything.” Why is he being like this? The worst that can happen is rumors that you just deny. It honestly isn’t as big of a deal as he’s making it out to be. 

“You didn’t answer before who you’re going with.” Your phone dings with a new message. Chris is outside. 

“I have to go.” You throw your jacket on and head for the door, but Sebastian is there blocking the door. His eyes are sad. 

“Who are you going out with?” 

“Chris.” 

“What do you mean Chris?  _ Evans _ ? You guys are left alone for a few minutes and fall madly in love?” He starts to raise his voice. Not in an angry way; you think he’s just surprised. But did he really expect you to pretend to be his girlfriend and never see anyone again? Was he honestly so dense he couldn’t see how crazy you were about him? Maybe he was surprised that someone like Chris would like you. It was so hard to read him these days. 

“We’re not in love, but you’re holding me up. Excuse me.” You push past him and walk out into the brisk nighttime air. Chris is there holding open the door to the car right outside the gate, a sweet grin on his face. 

“You look beautiful, y/n,” he says. 

“Thanks,” you whisper. 

You climb in the backseat of the car, staring at the floor until Chris slides in next to you. 

“Are you ready to go?” he asks. 

Smiling at him, you nod, trying to push the look of betrayal that was on Seb’s face out of your mind. You  _ wanted  _ to go on this date. Right? It’s been a while since someone this handsome and this kind has been interested in you in a romantic way. But there was still a part of you that was tugging in another direction, wanting to go back home and clear the air with your best friend. 

Even after everything that’s happened between you and Sebastian recently, it feels wrong somehow to be here with Chris instead of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. the breath before the kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! Enjoy the slow burn :)

The restaurant is dimly lit and very romantic; candles are the main light source, someone plays a grand piano in the background, and the whole room is accented by the glorious glass chandelier hanging overhead. 

You have never felt so out of place. 

Chris’s hand is resting gently on your back, leading you to a private section in the back corner of the room. He pulls the chair out for you and when you sit, he brushes his fingers along your back. Goosebumps form on your arms, and you wrap them around yourself. After Chris sits, he notices your huddled position and takes off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders so your hands can rest. 

“It is a bit cold in here, isn’t it?” he asks rhetorically. His smile is radiant even in the dim lighting; his small chuckle makes the goosebumps spread even further down your body. 

You thank him for his jacket and try not to gasp when you open the menu. There was no way you could afford these prices; they probably charged for breathing from the looks of things. It’s apparent Chris can see your panic and rests a hand on top of yours. 

“Order what you want,” he says. “I’ve got it.” 

  
Still, you order the cheapest thing on the menu and make a mental note to always eat before you go out to dinner with him again. Who knows if he will even ask you again to go out to dinner. Or want to speak to you at all after this night. 

You place your order of a small salad while Chris orders an entree of steak as well as extra sides for the table. You can only assume he’s getting them for you to share with him; the rumbling in your stomach wasn’t exactly being quiet at the moment. 

The waiter left after we gave him our order and filled our wine glasses. 

“Thanks for coming out with me tonight, y/n.” 

“Thanks for asking me.” You really didn’t know what to say. You’d only spoken to Chris twice: at the gala and in Seb’s trailer. Both times were short-lived. The only things you knew about him were what you read in the media, and you knew all too well that half of the shit they present is made up. And you certainly didn’t want him to think you were Googling him. 

“So tell me about yourself,” he prompted. He continued to ask questions about you, not really interested in talking about himself. You guess it makes sense that a guy who spends his life talking about himself and his career wouldn’t want the spotlight on him for once. 

“Well, I teach 11th and 12th grade at the high school at Westridge Prep.”   
  
“What subject?”

You smile. “History.” 

He smiles back, the same huge grin you gave him when talking about the subject you’re most passionate about. 

“That’s awesome. And you love it, I’m guessing.”   
  


“I do. It’s the best job I could ever ask for. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

He hasn’t stopped smiling the entire time you were talking; his eyes looked at yours with all the adoration in the world. Wow did you want to kiss him. The feeling was so overwhelming and a little shocking. You were surprised at yourself for the thoughts that sprung in your mind. Normally you only think of Sebastian like that, but now his image has been replaced with Chris. Still, you’re not sure how you feel about that shift. 

The food came quicker than you expected; maybe that’s what people are paying for in this place. His plate was steaming hot and even the vegetables on your plate smelled amazing. You didn’t want to seem rude, so you waited for Chris to take the first bite. Instead, he raised his glass of wine and toasted to your date. You grin widely at him, though you’re not sure it meets your eyes. 

The meal was delicious and surprisingly filling. Though Chris still talked you into ordering a chocolatey dessert to share. The night was full of laughter and long talks about everything under the sun. Even Sebastian came up a few times. You shared some stories from childhood while Chris talked about their times on set. You have to admit, the most interesting moments from dinner were when you were discussing Seb. It shouldn’t have been, but he was always the subject on your mind. 

After about two and a half hours—and quite a few glasses of wine—a yawn escapes you. 

“Are you ready to go?” Chris asks. “It is getting a bit late.”

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

He leads you out of the restaurant, and you lean into his touch. It’s warm and comforting, just like him. He’s sweet, romantic, kind…the perfect gentleman. There’s just one thing wrong with him: he’s not Sebastian. 

You feel a little guilty letting him hold your hand in the car, knowing how you feel, but it still felt nice. 

When the driver pulls up to the house, Chris gets out quickly to open the door for you. When you step out, he’s looking at you with those eyes and smiling and you can’t help but shakily touch his face and kiss him. He kisses you back deeply, hands around your waist, tongue in your mouth. It’s a wonderful kiss. You wish you could feel the sensation forever, but still, there was no spark. No secret feelings erupted from within yourself. It was like kissing a friend. 

You break the kiss first and whisper a good night. 

“Good night, y/n,” Chris says. “I had a great time.” 

He kisses your cheek once more before getting back in the car. You watch him disappear down the street and head through the gate towards the house. It only took about two steps before you made your decision. And maybe this would be the worst mistake of your life, but you couldn’t continue…whatever this was with Chris. You had to tell Sebastian how you felt as soon as possible, no matter the outcome. Even if it ruins everything, you can’t go on not knowing how he feels. 

You take in a shaky breath and open the door. The lights are still on, so you call out Seb’s name. 

“I’m home,” you say, but there’s no reply. He could be asleep. You drop your purse and keys on the counter and go upstairs to check on him. When you see the light is off in his room, you crack the door open. 

But of course he’s not sleeping.

You close the door with a quick gasp. Not that you haven’t seen Sebastian indecent before, but never when you felt this way about him before. And certainly not in bed with a young blonde in the middle of the night. You feel like you were punched in the gut, an ache forming in your chest. Your eyes fill with tears and spill over your cheeks as you head to your room to disappear under the covers in your bed. 

  
So much for telling him your feelings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	13. someone like you

You didn’t get much sleep the night before. The image of Sebastian with someone else made your chest ache, but knowing he was in his room with another woman the night you were going to tell him your feelings was agony. You crawled out of bed before the sun came up, creeping downstairs and sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee. The least you could do is grade some papers before having to deal with Seb and whatsername. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice the puffiness around your eyes from the tears, though Sebastian didn’t seem to be very observant these days. 

After about two hours of mindless essay reading about the Civil War, Sebastian starts down the stairs, looking surprised when he turns to find you at the kitchen table. 

“Hey, y/n. You’re up early.” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you respond lifelessly. His hair is ruffled, gray sweatpants hang from his hips; he’s wearing an old t-shirt that he let you wear one night when you were sick and needed a change of clothes. It just made you more angry that he could look so beautiful without even trying. 

“How was your date?” he asks. His attitude from before has seemed to disappear. Huh, wonder why. 

“It was great,” you tell him. “Chris is amazing. We’re going out again next week.” So maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but he didn’t need to know that. He’s obviously not upset about it anymore, so why hold back. Now you can explore your romance with Chris since Seb clearly doesn’t feel the same way. And that’s what you wanted, right? To know how he feels so you can finally move on with someone else. You decide you’ll call Chris later and talk about another dinner. 

“Oh, yeah? That’s…good,” he says, not meeting your eyes. 

“Hmmm. So how was _your_ night?” you ask, already knowing the answer. He knows it too. 

“It was good,” he smirks, pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

“Did you kick her out already?” you ask. 

“No, she’s asleep,” he replies. “You forget it’s 7 a.m.”

“Why are you awake so early anyways?” 

“I don’t know. Just am, I guess.” He takes another sip of coffee. 

“So, what’s her name? Or don’t you know?” you tease. 

“Come on, y/n. I don’t do that anymore. I’ve matured.” If he means sleeping with someone to get back at you for going on a date with his costar, then sure, he’s matured. 

“So where’d you meet her then? You just have fuck buddies on speed dial?” Maybe he didn’t deserve this grilling, but you can’t help it. You two are naturally protective of one another, especially when it comes to dating. And maybe there’s still some lingering jealousy emerging. 

He sighs and looks up from his mug. “It’s Jen.” 

“Jen? Jen as in your ex-girlfriend, Jen? Are you serious?” Ah, yes. Jennifer Morrison, the ex he couldn’t get over. The woman who broke his heart. Blonde, thin, and beautiful, an actress herself who could understand things about Seb that you never could. The worst part was she was always considerate and kind to you, so it was hard to hate her. 

“Yeah, we’ve been talking recently, and she came over and you know how it goes.” He always said they broke up amicably, but you know it still hurt him. Couldn’t say you were too upset about it, though. 

“You really think that’s a good idea?” you ask. “Sleeping with your ex?”

“I don’t know, but I think that’s my business to figure it out,” he answers, his voice hard and tense.   
  


He had a point. But it still didn’t make you feel any better. You were the one who went out first, so you can’t really be mad at him about doing the same. But that still doesn’t make you feel any better.

* * *

Jen came downstairs a little while later, her hair just as messy as Seb’s when he came down. He made breakfast for you two, along with some extras for her. It was still warm when she joined us at the table, awkwardly watching you as she adds cream to her coffee. 

She tries to make small talk about work and how she heard you went on out last night, but it still doesn’t make you feel better about the situation. What did this mean for her and Seb? What did this mean for _you_ and Seb? 

“Is everything okay?” Jen asks. Now Sebastian is looking at you too. 

“Oh, yeah,” you lie. “I’m fine. Just tired. I think I’m gonna go back upstairs and lay down.” 

“Sleep well, y/n,” Seb says softly. There was just the tiniest look in his eyes that told you he knew you were upset about something. How could he not know that hooking up with his ex-girlfriend was going to turn everything upside down? Would you still have to pretend to be his girlfriend in public? What did he tell Jen? 

The questions overwhelming your mind weren’t strong enough to curb your fatigue, so you just let the exhaustion take over and plan to deal with this mess when you wake up again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jennifer morrison is one of my favorite actresses & i know she dated sebastian in the past, so i just had to throw her in for myself :) thank you for reading!


	14. (everything i do) i do for you

Opening your eyes, the memories of last night and early this morning rush back. Your date with Chris, finding Sebastian with Jen…again. Your morning conversation. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Still, you held up the promise you made to yourself and picked up your phone to text Chris. 

_I just wanted to thank you for a great time last night :)_

Halfway through brushing your teeth, your phone buzzed with his response. 

_Of course, y/n. I had a great time, too._

You still cannot believe you’re texting Chris Evans. Your fingers are a little shaky typing the next message, unsure of how he’ll respond. He said he wanted to see you again, but maybe he was just being nice. It’s hard to tell these days.

_I think it’s my turn to do the asking now._

_Would you want to go out again?_

Now that you think of it, you probably should’ve called him to ask him out on a date, but you couldn’t risk your voice giving out on you midconversation. It was taking longer than the previous message took. 

“Don’t worry,” you tell yourself. “He’s a busy guy. He’ll answer. Give it time.”

Heading downstairs, you see Sebastian has gone to work for the day, which means Jen is also gone. Thank god. You didn’t think you could put up a face anymore in dealing with them. What the hell was that anyway? Why would Sebastian go back to his ex-girlfriend when it took him so long to get over her? It just didn’t make any sense. You make a mental note to talk to him about it later. He was setting himself up for hardship. 

You decide to finish up the papers you were grading earlier, trying to distract yourself from both Seb’s questionable decisions and Chris’s’ lack of communication.

After you graded everything you could get your hands on, you begin to clean the house, which just goes to show how desperate you are to keep busy. It was always difficult on weekends when Seb had work. Not that you didn’t have other friends to hang out with, but they typically were busy with their own jobs, weekend plans, or families. Once in a blue moon would your schedules work out for you to be able to enjoy a social weekend out with someone other than Sebastian. Not that you really minded that before, but now things were heading down a complicated road. 

Halfway through dusting the mantle, your phone buzzed a few times. Tripping over your own feet, you see, hours after the original text, Chris has answered. 

_Sorry, y/n. I had to be on set early today. But of course I’d love to go out with you again._

_  
_ _What did you have in mind?_

Oh, thank god. You were starting to think he wasn’t interested after taking so long, and _that_ would’ve been embarrassing. 

You type back quickly: _Dinner at my place?_

If Sebastian can bring women home like it’s nothing, you could have Chris over for dinner without telling him first. See how he likes it. 

Chris answers: _Sounds great :)_

_I’ll call you later. I have to get going. Can’t wait_

You were surprised to feel the butterflies in your stomach. It’s been a while since someone has shown this amount of interest in you, especially a guy like Chris. You also couldn’t help but feel a little proud of yourself. You were finally moving on, getting over Seb. Apparently he was doing the same. Not that he had anything to get over. 

Trying not to let your mind wander too much, you finish cleaning the rest of the house, though not quite as thoroughly as before. 

* * *

Seb came home in a strange mood you couldn’t quite place. He wasn’t really in the mood for talking, but his face read like he had something important to say. He sat silently at the table, reading a book he’s been trying to get to for months. But no matter how long he looked at the current page, he never turned it. When you finished stirring the rice and flipping the chicken onto a plate for the two of you, you spoke the first words of the night, other than “hey.”

“I made some dinner,” you tell him, setting the plate of chicken on the table. “Are you hungry?”

He set the book down and smiled. Not through his eyes, but through his lips. 

“I am actually. Thanks.” 

You set the hot pan of rice on a trivet on the table and placed a plate in front of him. This seemed really domestic, but usually Seb was the one to prepare dinner for the two of you. The least you could do is return the favor. Plus, it would be good practice for your date with Chris. He hadn’t called yet, but you couldn’t see him backing out of his word. 

“How was shooting today?” you ask. 

He stuffs his face full of food. You’re slightly concerned with the amount of pain he must be in with the mouthful of heat he just took in. 

“It was okay,” he said, his mouth full. “How was your day?” His eyes were still down. 

“All I did was clean. I really need to get a life, huh?” You added the last part to get a smile from him, since it’s what he always says when you don’t have plans on a day there’s no school. But he didn’t. He just nodded slightly, still not looking at you.

“Is everything okay?” you ask. He finally looks up, scrunching his face up in that way people do when they’re brushing something off. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just exhausted. It was a long day today.” You’ve seen him when he’s been exhausted, but you didn’t push it any further. He didn’t look like he was in the mood, but you added, “well, you can always talk to me. You know I love you, right?” 

It felt so natural to tell Seb you love him, but it’s true. Even if it can’t be in a romantic way, you love Seb, and you always will. Nothing could change that. 

Finally, with a genuine look in his eyes he stares at you and smiles. 

“I know, y/n. I love you, too.” 

Your stomach flipped over at the comment, though you had to remind yourself that he meant it in as a friend, the same way you did. He opened up a bit more, slowing down the piling of food in his mouth and actually having a conversation with you. He was smiling and laughing and everything felt right again. You weren’t talking about the night before or future relationships. Maybe he just needed some reassurance to let him know you were still you. It didn’t matter what it was, though; _this_ is the Sebastian you’re crazy about. Your best friend. 

A buzzing began in your back pocket. 

“Sorry,” you say to Seb. “One second.” 

You pull out your phone and see Chris’s name appear on the screen. He’s calling to pick a date for your dinner together. You hit decline, putting your phone on silent, and slipping it back into your pocket. 

“You can take that if you need to,” Sebastian says, a little deflated. 

You smile at him and shake your head. “It’s not important.” 

You weren’t going to miss this opportunity of talking with Seb, the way you two would always do at the dinner table. Recently he’d been working so much, and there hadn’t been a lot of time to spend together. You felt like you were drifting apart, but now things were coming back together in this very moment. Maybe it wasn’t fair to Chris, but no matter what, you would put your friends first. And Sebastian was your very best friend. And there was no one else you’d rather be talking to than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks for reading :)


	15. don't talk to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I'm writing so much lately, but I hope I can keep it up. I am SO looking forward to the next few chapters, and I think you guys will enjoy them. Thanks for sticking with me thus far. Stay healthy :)

After you were finished eating, Sebastian cleared the table and offered to do the dishes. It didn’t seem fair since you really didn’t do much today, but you liked how nice he was being, especially compared to the past week. You dismissed yourself to check your phone, seeing Chris left a message after calling. 

_ Hey, y/n. It’s Chris. Just calling about our date. Call me back when you can. Okay. Bye.  _

You could hear the smile in his voice, and you couldn’t help but feel conflicted as you “call back.” What the hell were you doing? Even if you know Sebastian isn’t interested, it doesn’t feel right to be flirting with Chris. You’ll have to come clean to him about your feelings for Seb. He seemed like he’d be understanding, and he’s already proven he can be trusted with a secret. The last thing you wanted to do was play him. 

The phone only rang twice before he answered. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Chris. It’s me…y/n,” you say awkwardly. 

“Oh, hey! How are you?” How does he always sound like he’s in a good mood? 

“I’m good. Sorry, I missed your call. I was eating dinner,” you explain. 

“It’s no problem. So…you still wanna have our date?” 

“Yes, of course,” you answer. “How about next Friday night? You can come over, and I’ll make dinner.” You’d also have to make sure Seb is out of the house. But you could handle that part later. 

“That sounds great. Whatever time works for you works for me.” 

“Is 7 o’clock too late?” 

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Great.” You’re not sure what else to say. “I’ll see you then.”

“Can’t wait. Good night, y/n.” 

“Good night.” You hang up, holding the phone close to your chest. This whole thing still feels like a fever dream. 

When you get back downstairs, Sebastian has just finished up the dishes and has moved to the couch with his book. You sit down at the other end, resting your feet on his lap. He doesn’t notice you staring at him, so you nudge him with your toes. He smirks a little before saving his place with a bookmark and setting the novel on the table. 

“Can I help you?” he asks. 

“I have a favor to ask,” you tell him. 

“I should’ve known,” he says, but there’s only a lightness in his voice. He shifts slightly to face you. God, his eyes were so dreamy. “What is it?”

“I’m having a date next Friday night, so I kind of need the place to myself for an hour or two.”

Something flickered in his eyes. A sudden change. He chuckled, but without humor. “Why do you need me out of the house?” 

“I wanted to make dinner here.” 

“For Chris.” It wasn’t a question; he already knew. 

“Yeah.” It felt like you were a child asking for permission to go to a sleepover after misbehaving, unsure if your mom would say yes or not. “I’ve always given you space when you’ve wanted to bring dates home.” 

“I know, y/n. But this is different,” he defended. 

You shake your head at him, the confusion clear on your face. “How is this different?” 

He didn’t say anything at first, and it felt like the longest minute of your life. If it even was that long. 

“I don’t think I like you dating my coworker.”  _ Seriously? _ That’s what his problem was? 

“And why not? You begged for my friend Rachel’s phone number…I work with her.”

“You didn’t say it made you uncomfortable. Otherwise, I assume you wouldn’t have given it to me.” 

“You didn’t even call her!” Okay, this was getting off topic. “It didn’t bother me, but how can there be all of these double standards? It isn’t fair. Why don’t you want me to be happy?” You hate the way your voice sounds when you argue with him. Not that you two argued a lot—usually just about small things like the stupid milk carton. It felt worse now, hoping you wouldn’t cry as your voice began to raise. 

“I do want you to be happy. More than anything. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” You were fuming. 

“Not with him.” 

You stared at him for a moment, giving him the hardest look you could. What bullshit. 

“I am a grown adult, and I can make my own decisions. So I’m going out with him. I did you a solid by pretending to be your girlfriend, and I haven’t jeopardized that. We’re being careful and the next time you need me for publicity, I’ll be there. But until then, I’m doing what I want.”

You storm off to your room, slamming the door. After the tantrum you just threw, you figured it wouldn’t hurt to keep up the childish act. But Sebastian was being a child, too. He had no right to tell you what to do, especially after he had Jen over last night without even running it by you. At least you were considerate enough to be civil as a roommate and gave him a heads up; you really weren’t asking for permission. He’s never been like this. What was his problem lately? It was getting harder and harder to keep up with Seb’s mood swings. 

So much for the nice evening that made you feel like you were finally coming back together again. How much longer could this last? Maybe moving on with Chris was exactly what you needed…

No. What you needed was to make up your mind to keep yourself sane. You couldn’t wait until next Friday when you could finally talk to Chris and get everything sorted. One thing you were taking away from this situation: men are exhausting. 


	16. kiss me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kind of hate how this chapter came out lmao but i at least hope you guys like it :)

Here you go again, getting ready to go out in public with Sebastian. He had Netania send over a red cocktail dress to wear out for the evening. You did your hair and makeup carefully, knowing that there would most likely be photos taken of you. You also sent Chris a text about it, just in case he saw something upsetting. He knows about your situation, but you know that you wouldn’t like to see Chris in the tabloids with some girl without mentioning it to you, even if it was fake. 

When you came down the stairs, it felt like a movie scene. Seb was waiting for you at the bottom of the staircase, dressed in an outfit nicer than everything in your closet combined. He held out his hand for you to take, his eyes were sparkling. 

“You look beautiful, y/n,” he said. 

“Thank you.” You smile widely at him. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him if you tried. “You do, too.” 

He laughed a little and led down the stairs the rest of the way and to the car waiting outside. 

“So where are we going anyway?” you ask him once you’ve settled in next to him. He’s sitting so close you can feel his leg pressed up against yours, his hand resting comfortably on top of yours. 

“I’m taking you out for a romantic dinner at APL.” You try not to look too confused when he says he’s taking you to the same restaurant that Chris took you to the other day for your first date. “What’s wrong?”

You clear your throat, looking at him and doing your best not to roll your eyes. “I thought we were supposed to be seen together in public,” you tell him. 

“We will be. Netania called to make a reservation and said we’d be there. Someone is bound to tip off the paparazzi. They’ll show up and see us together.” His voice sounded so detached, but he had to know what he was doing. 

You don’t say anything. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you answer. “It’s just that Chris and I went there the other day and we weren’t bothered at all.”

He seemed unimpressed. “It’s not hard to keep your presence a secret. But we  _ want _ to be seen, so we make it more obvious.” 

You just nod silently. Hopefully Chris wouldn’t mind that you and Seb were going to the same spot you two did. You have to remind yourself that this isn’t real. Sebastian has made it perfectly clear how he feels. This date is for exposure, so people will still believe your ‘friends to lovers’ story. 

When the car slows to a stop, Sebastian gets out and hurries to your side, opening the door for you and offering his hand once again. There’s already the sound of cameras flashing and the brightness of the lights. Sebastian keeps his arms locked around you and pushes past everyone to get inside. Before reaching the door, he leans down and presses his lips to the top of your head. You can’t help but look up at him and smile. The gesture was small yet sweet. He was obviously doing this to give the cameras something to capture, but it felt genuine. 

It was a relief to get inside away from all of the chaos. But as soon as the doors closed, Sebastian dropped his arm and started walking ahead of you. He gave his name to the frontman and they showed you to a table in the middle of the restaurant—much more public than the little area that Chris had reserved. 

He sat down in the seat across from you, eyes glued to the menu. You already know you’re going to order the same thing you did last time, but you still keep your gaze on the menu in front of you, trying not to look at Sebastian. After the waiter came and took your order, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Now that we’re away from the cameras you’re going to be rude to me?” You stare at him as coldly as you can manage. 

“No?” It’s so funny when he feigns confusion. 

“You’re not as good of an actor as you think.” 

He sighs. “Aren’t you worried about what Chris will think?” he asks. He sounds disappointed. 

“He understands,” you explain. 

He just nods. After a few minutes of awkward silence, he sighs again. “I’m sorry, y/n.” 

“You’ve been apologizing an awful lot lately,” you say. “What are you sorry for this time?” Even if he is trying to be nice, he doesn’t get off that easy. 

The corners of his mouth raise slightly, trying to fight off a smile. “I’m sorry for being rude. This arrangement is a bit more difficult than I thought it would be.” You’re not sure what he means by that, but the food arrives before you can ask. It’s too awkward to bring it up again during the meal, though it still sits in the back of your mind. 

Other than your little outburst, the evening was fine. It felt a little strange considering all that’s happened lately, but it’s always nice to spend time with Sebastian. You don’t spend a lot of time talking after you’re both done eating. Sebastian stands as soon as the bill is paid and holds out his hand again for you to take. 

“They’re probably waiting outside, but don’t worry,” he whispers in your ear. “I’m right here.” 

You nod in response and press yourself closer to him. You don’t think you’ll ever be used to so many people surrounding you, taking photos of you. You have no idea how he does this. 

You stumble a little when the doors open, lights blinding you instantly. Sebastian steadies you, trying once again to push past everyone to get to the car. It seems like forever, but you finally arrive and the car and reach desperately for the handle. Sebastian grabs your hand to stop you, and you look at him confused. 

“Kiss me,” he says softly. 

Did you just hear him right? “What?”

“You heard me.” This has to be a dream. 

When you don’t say anything, completely frozen where you stand, he leans down to kiss you. He moves so fast yet so slow at the same time, and suddenly your lips are pressed together and you’re literally kissing your best friend Sebastian Stan. You move your hands into his hair as he pulls you as close to him as possible, a hand resting gently on your face. You can only imagine the paparazzi are going crazy over the shots they’re getting, but you don’t even care. There are many times you’ve thought of your first kiss with Sebastian and this wasn’t exactly the same scenario as your fantasies. But the feelings are all the same. 

He’s the one who pulls away first and quickly opens the car door, ushering you to get in. He slides in next you and slams the door shut, telling the driver to go. Your face feels hot, your hands sweaty, your stomach turning all around. You feel a little dizzy and lightheaded and have to remind yourself to breathe. Slowly. In and out. 

“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes,” you say quickly, lying. “That was just…a lot. I’m not used to it.” That part was true at least. You still can’t believe you kissed. And  _ he _ initiated it. Even if it was for the cameras, you can’t deny what happened and how it made you feel. 

As soon as you get home you tell Seb you’re going to bed thanks to a headache. After taking off your dress, you crawl into bed without taking off your makeup. Future you will understand after the craziness present you just experienced tonight. 

You lay there, staring at the ceiling and realize you still haven’t been able to catch your breath. Kissing Chris was nice, but it didn’t make you feel this way. He would never be able to make you feel the way Sebastian did. You couldn’t keep living like this. Before falling asleep, you think you’ve made up your mind of what to do about this… 

But you hope it won’t have to come to that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


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